For my art project, I decided to write poetry, since I’m not as artsy fartsy with physical objects as most everyone else. “One”, “Imagine” and “‘He’ (for me) and ‘he’ (for him)” are a collection of short poems that reveal my innermost thoughts about both my interview with Agazit and my times at the South Sudanese Center tutoring young immigrant students from local elementary and middle schools.
“One” speaks to the power of one person, both myself and the young boy I tutored. I was afraid of making a mistake, confusing him instead of helping him. Behind that fear is the realization that I could be the one to help him understand his classwork.
“Imagine” is about my fear, that the power of the mind is strong, overwhelming even, especially when the mind is wired to spend every waking moment drowning in anxiety
“‘He’ (for me) and ‘he’ (for him)” is about how I see myself, as a man and as someone who, given different circumstances, could be a more recent member of the diaspora. This poem divides itself between “He” as a symbol of masculinity and the male gender, He as a placeholder for me, and lowercase “he” as a placeholder for the young boys who go to UWEAST to speak about what I fear, not just as myself, but as a member of this diaspora who sees how others are saved and endangered in this country at this time
(Author’s Note: If you want to see me sweating like a Southern Baptist Pastor half an hour into a church service performing these poems, I’m sure the video of our art showcase is knocking around this site somewhere)
One
Such a simple number
Singular
solitary
alone, like me in more ways than one
I want to see someone like me
——————————
But One is Powerful
One is the difference between absent and willing
One is the difference between fear and excitement
One visit
One child
One epiphany
One
Imagine
Imagine | City Heights
Coffee, bus stops, thrift stores and roach coaches
a hot yellow room
Made for children
Made for me
Hoping: Can I make a difference ?
Sitting in a plastic chair
Hoping that I don’t
Fuck it up
I’m sweating
Imagine | Fear
Fear of being wrong
Fear of saying the wrong thing
Gearing up for the inevitable moment
Trying not to break down
Knowing
“She’s genuine, she’s nice, she cares”
Her name escapes you
But you will never escape your fear
That she hates you
Imagine
“He” (for me) and “he” (for him)
He’s controversial
He is both small
And also large
He’s here
“He”
vs.
“he”
“He” is a pronoun
“He” is the promise of an identity
He is Black, queer, loves food, his friends and hopes
Hopes (he) won’t be trapped by himself, you see
Being a man is living a life on a high-wire
Uppercase “He” means health, vigor, manliness
Uppercase “He” is not alone, lowercase “he” is not done
“He” and “he” are both in danger, they’re at risk
They have so much to live for, can lose it
At their own hands or at the end of a
Baretta’s barrel
He and he
