The first class had an activity that involved singing our names. I felt awkward singing my name in public, or doing anything in front of many people, expressing my ideas and showing myself is a vulnerability to me, because I am always afraid of how people judge me. I think this class is something that challenges me quite a lot, since this class, I have to express myself often by singing or doing this project, and this is my uncomfortable zone. I remember once, I was a child, and I performed in front of others, and somehow I messed up the performance, and everyone was laughing, and I got embarrassed at solo performing since then. However, by reading articles and watching the video of Mr. Rogers, I realized that we should not be afraid of that, because we have to show ourselves, so everyone can understand and know our stories.
Remembering Oct 12th, that was my first time singing to my partner, and it was a big step for me, since I knew that I was not a good singer; however, it turned out to be fine. I performed in an orchestra before, but soloing is different, I felt more pressure on me, because everyone was watching me. To be honest, I was very uncomfortable performing in front of others. While singing the song for the first time, I could not focus on anything, I could only feel my heartbeat, thus I could not well share the meaning of the song through singing. The second time singing, I was focusing on why I wanted to sing the song, and I felt a bit more calm, and I believed everyone understood a bit more about the song.
I chose the song called “perfect landing”, and this is a chinese song from a movie. This song is talking about a gymnast who was trying to compete in the olympic game, and during the practices, he encountered many failures and challenges. He even thought about quitting gymnastics, but he realized he could not just get away from problems, and because those challenges made gymnastics so special, In the end, he finally made it to the Olympic game, and he got the 2nd prize.
This song is meaningful to me, since I am also an athlete, I do rock climbing, and I faced some similar situations. I had competed many times, and in the recent competitions, I did not have good results. After competitions, my teammates and I went for outdoor climbing, but I was not able to finish routes, instead watching them finish those routes. I was mad at myself, because during training I was avoiding problems that led me to not have enough skills and strength, also I injured my finger. Due to these reasons, I was lost in rock climbing, and I was not sure if that is something I should keep doing. During the time, I thought everything was negative and I was frustrated, because climbing is the thing that I truly enjoyed, but I could not do well. The moment, I climbed more, I felt the worse I am, because I didn’t see improvementI got no motivation, but I realized climbing is something that has stayed with me for a long time. Because of climbing, I have gone through so many moments with it, and I am positive that climbing is my favorite, so this song encouraged me quite a lot.
Moreover, the class made a huge impact on me. Because of the class, I started to think about my life, and I thought about the song, and this song is an illusion of an important part of my life. Everyone encounters difficulties sometimes, but your mind can not be changed because of those problems, and you have to go through those, because hard work makes you stronger. After one year of pandemic without competitions, I trained much harder and I am better at strength and skills, I will keep climbing and without doubt. There is more for me to explore, and hopefully I will get better, even if there are still difficulties existing. I will say climbing and singing in public have something in common, the more fear I have, the worse I will do. There is only one thing that I changed, which is my mind. I have to try hard on everything even though that is not what I am good at. Vulnerabilities exist for everyone, but that tells me where I should improve. Avoiding problems is the most significant vulnerability but once I face the problems, I am better to deal with them.
Overall, I found my problem by understanding the song. I realized that I always avoid facing problems, maybe I lacked confidence in myself, that was why I could not improve my climbing skills, and also afraid of performing in public. Also, we could not let one failure stop us from moving forward. Like I mentioned earlier, I was afraid of how people would judge me, because I had a horrible experience of performing, however, that does not matter, I would consider the bad experiences as motivation to become better.
The song is for me and everyone who is chasing dreams, there are always challenges but we should not be afraid of those challenges, and we should overcome them. Dreams are so special because it is hard to reach. Recently, my finger was injured again, but I stayed positive this time, because I know climbing is my dream, if the dream is easy then the dream is worthless, so we keep doing what we love. Lastly, I appreciated this chance of singing, because I know myself, and I hope the singing and my story can encourage people who are facing similar situations. I am proud to be myself, and express my voice out. Hopefully, everyone can chase their dream without fear.
