I have always felt ashamed of my voice. It’s feminine soft features have always made me insecure. The reason I grew up very shy and quiet was because I was insecure of my own voice. However one thing that transcends this insecurity of mine is singing. I love singing as a way to express myself however I sometimes let this insecurity of mine get in the way of me singing.
I was really excited when I became aware of the first project we would be doing for the class. I would finally be able to sing in front of an audience as I had never done so before.
“I am really excited about this class. We have been instructed by Professor Sussman to pick a song of our choice that we will be performing in front of the class next week. I feel excited but at the same time, feel nervous as I have never sung in front of this many people before. I believe this to be one of the most nerve wracking things I have ever done in front of a public audience.”
This insecurity is getting the best of me. However I did not let it get in my way. I chose to originally sing “When U Wish Upon a Star”, by Cliff Edwards but soon afterwards changed it to a song more special to me which is “You are Everything”, by the Stylistics. Exclusively, Whitney Houston’s rendition of it. An artist very special to me.
“My reasoning as to why I picked the song I chose was because “You are everything”, is one of the first songs I heard growing up and reminds me much of my childhood.”
I chose this song for the reason being that it is special to me and I feel that the comfortability the song brings to me will comfort me in the process of singing it for the project.
We were asked to sing our song in preparation for our project to our partners. I became really nervous because I felt as though my partner would judge me based on the insecurities surrounding my voice.
“In this activity, I found out that I am more comfortable with my voice than I ever thought. Generally when I sing around people I know, I get a little nervous, however I find that I am a lot more confident and comfortable singing to a stranger. I think part of it is that I have practiced my singing so I am more comfortable in that way but I think I was also really comfortable with the person I was singing with.”
The activity we were asked to do has made me realize that worrying about other people’s thoughts of my voice is irrelevant because they are just strangers. I could care less about what others think, as long as I am comfortable and having a good time, it is all that matters.Yes I sing and sound like a girl, but that’s just how I sing.
Now that I am comfortable with others listening to me, I need for myself to be comfortable about me singing.
“I am going to be practicing my song in preparation of my “performance” to my class on Tuesday of the song I chose. I chose “You are Everything”, because it has sentimental feelings that I have for the song. The setting is very muted. I am practicing the song in my room (space) I share with my roommate. However he is not here nor will he be in the near future. I am the only one in the house so I feel very comfortable doing this exercise. I have dimmed all the lights in the room to create a comfortable feeling space in the room. As I get to the end of the song, I can’t help but feel very accomplished and zen. This musical experience is definitely something I had needed to try for a while and am glad I put more effort into it.”
While clicking the record button on my camera to record myself for the very first time, I could feel my hands shaking and thoughts racing. The same feelings I had felt before about me singing came flooding through. I thought with the progress I had made, I would have suppressed these feelings enough, however I find them to be lingering. I have come to the realization that these feelings are okay to have and I just should not think about them as a way for obstructing my performance in this video for my project. But as a motivation to make me do my best and not be nervous. My heart is shaking as I open my mouth to let out the first words “Today I saw somebody”.
Poof! Just as I sang the first lyrics of the piece I came to the realization that it was over. I had done it. I had sung through the entire song on my first attempt. Voice shaking and thoughts racing but it was over. I had finally overcome this insecurity.
