Have you ever wondered how cultural differences of interacting with lullabies reflect the way we express love? I, myself, have a Cambodian-Chinese background and I don’t remember having any interaction with lullabies as I was growing up. The love language between me and my parents is very similar to most Asian parents-to-child love languages, as far as I’ve gathered. Love language defines the way someone expresses their feelings of love toward someone else. The way my parents express their love to me is not the straightforward style. Then, you might wonder: what is the straightforward style? To me, a straightforward style is the American style of expressing love. It’s common in America, that a way for parents to express their love to their child is to tell them “I love you”. However, when it come to most Asian household that is not the case. To put it in perspective, I will share with you my parents’ common way of expressing their love to me. Their way of expressing love is by asking me if I have eaten. I think to them, their way of showing love is by taking care of your well-being. Therefore, when I hear my parents say “come eat, food is ready” I know they are trying to tell me that they care and love me. Thus, the love language between the two cultures, Asian and American, are very different from one another. One is discrete and the other is straightforward. So, I want to know how the two cultures’ love language transcends to the world of lullabies.
Knowing only my perspective of lullabies isn’t enough. Therefore, I reached out to my cousin, Tey Chan, for an interview to learn about her stories with lullaby. Tey Chan also has a Cambodian-Chinese heritage background. On top of that, she recently became a new parent. Before the interview even began, Tey confessed to me that she doesn’t know much about lullabies. This confession didn’t surprise me at all. We grew up in a similar environment so I understand where she was coming from. Hence, I thought that both of us were in a dire situation because we both don’t know much about lullabies. Now, looking back at our conversion I don’t think that was the case; our conversation turned out to be pretty fruitful.
The first surprise Tey gave me was when she hummed a Chinese lullaby’s tune in which she called the “Mother Song”. I was taken aback when I heard the tune because I didn’t know I had ears that were able to recognize a traditional Chinese lullaby. In addition, she told me that she would go on YouTube and play a lullaby song for her baby to hear. Tey’s favorite lullaby is “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” because the tune makes both her and her baby feel happy. The concept of YouTube gave me the idea that you will probably never be able to find the traditional Chinese lullaby tune that my cousin hummed on the YouTube platform. Meaning traditional Asian lullabies are learned through word of mouth. They are passed on from elderly generation to the younger generation. Almost like how in the past, folktales and myths are passed from one generation to another only through word of mouth.
During the interview I asked Tey the question: “Are there situations where you have to sing different lullabies to the baby(Asian lullabies vs American lullabies)? And what would that situation be?” She answered that she would sing the Asian lullabies to calm the baby or to put the baby to sleep. On the contrary, she would sing American lullabies when she is playing with her baby. I thought that this was interesting and I think the reason for this is because Asian lullabies give off a more zen feeling. This is probably related to the traditional musical instruments that were used for song making. For example, some common Chinese traditional instruments are the flute(dizi), pipa, guzheng, and guqin. For me, the sounds coming out of these instruments makes me feel more at peace and calm, i.e. zen. On the other hand, I think American lullabies give off a more upbeat feeling. Thus, I can understand why she uses American lullabies for playful interactions with her baby.
As I interviewed Tey, I noticed that she kept repeating this common theme about lullabies. She kept saying that the lullabies tune she sang to her baby are tunes that sound natural and random. This made me realize that: maybe the reason why we both think that we don’t have experiences with lullabies is because the sounds that we heard while growing up were so natural and random that we don’t associate those sounds as lullabies. Therefore, I thought that in actuality, we do have experiences with lullabies; I too grew up listening to these random sounds. This thought came as a surprise to me because when I was a kid I saw myself as someone with no musical experience. This situation relates back to the love language between the two cultures: one is discrete and the other is straightforward. This concept also transcends to the world of lullabies. The tunes my mother hummed were so subtle that it was hard to distinguish whether the sounds are random sounds or lullabies tunes. On the other hand, American lullabies such as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” are very distinguishable and the tune makes it clear to you that you are listening to a lullaby. On the contrary, The subtle tunes I heard while growing up creates an illusion that what I heard were not lullabies but the natural voices of a mother. In the beginning, both Tey and I were stuck in this illusion which makes us believe that we both don’t know a thing about lullabies. However, as I took time to clear the fog by reflecting on the love languages between the two cultures. I was able to see myself in a different childhood setting where I grew up listening to lullabies that have a more natural and calming tune.
In summary, I think most Asian people show their love in a hidden expression of love. On the other hand, most American people have a more open expression of love. Each culture leans towards a different love language to express themselves. I believe that this love language transcends to how we express our feelings for the activities that we do everyday.
